Posts Tagged ‘discipline’

Can a Kid OD on Corn on the Cob?

June 3, 2008

So, I was from one of those “you will sit there until bedtime if you don’t eat” upbringings. I’m not fat, but I soon learned that just shoving it all in even if I wasn’t hungry made Mom and Dad infinitely happier than seeing me pouting at the table all night. From there comes my emotional eating that I have attempted to control my entire adult life.

I do blame that mindset, although not my parents who truly did what they thought was best at the time. This is obvious to me because my second sister and I have always had weight issues, whereas my youngest sister has always been quite thin (same body type) and never relied on food as a crutch. My Mom admits that they realized maybe they should have dealt with my second sister and I differently and changed their approach with the youngest.

So here is my question to all of you? What are your parenting choices when it comes to eating habits? Do they change (and how) as your child develops emotionally? Do you ever resort to food as a reward (other than “potty treats” which I think are a very different story)?

My daughter is closing in on three and while I work part-time she attends a local daycare 2-3 days per week. I give her lots of fruit and veggies and low-fat yogurt. I basically feed HER the way I wished I had the gumption to eat myself. Her teachers are amazed. They have never seen such a thorough and healthy eater.

When she arrives home at around 5:00 I hang out with her and then cook dinner. She rarely eats more than a few bites of veggies and maybe some rice or veggie burger (she isn’t a big fan of meat and it helps us to cut some of it out). She prefers to sit with us for ten minutes or so and then she’s off – busy! busy!

I’m fine with this because she eats so well throughout the day and I know kids won’t starve themselves (at least not normally and she is very healthy). My hubby thinks she should be expected, even if not hungry to sit there with us the whole dinner. I think he’s nuts. She is only two and oh my God, to sit still that long is tough for me sometimes let alone a toddler.

Now this is (bless his otherwise sweet and loving soul – hell, it IS almost Father’s Day don’t forget) the man who if there is some (and I mean ANY) sporting event from golf to basketball (super ick!) to baseball to Nascar (Go Dale Jr! OK I’m on board with this one) on television he goes against the rule we decided on of the television OFF during dinner. I can’t WAIT until we move and can’t see the stinkin TV from the table! That will be the end of that. (Who am I kidding – then the plates will head for the living room… tune in someday soon for a rant about HOW parents can stop undermining each other).

My suggestion is we talk about her day and ask her questions and establish a dinner “relationship” and when she’s done and off to play then we actually take a few minutes to talk to each other – IMAGINE THAT!

Just looking for comments on how all of you deal (or have dealt) with this.

And check back tomorrow if interested in the very weird poopy I’m sure we will experience.

________________________ Art imitates life, and life imitates art.

What I see every day influences what I create, so writing this blog and creating my designs are natural extensions of who I am.

If you are interested in viewing my designs, primarily for kids but also some cool stuff for adults and also doggies (who we all know are integral parts of all families) check them out at:
http://www.cafepress.com/sugarsprouts

See you around the mountains and canyons of northern AZ!

“If you don’t laugh at life, it sneaks up and bites you in the ass!”

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Spanking is Violence (not discipline)

May 25, 2008

OK, my opinion on this is one I will admit cannot be changed. Perhaps I may gain some more respect for those “spankers” out there (and I am referring to children – what you do in your bedroom is your own business) and their views, although admittedly, I doubt it.

What brings this up? A friend of mine was recently talking about “having to” spank her little girl (about 3.5) and put her to bed early. I think by my silence on the phone line she knew what was coming. I’m not exactly known for being meek. And how could any adult HAVE TO perform an act of violence on a child. Aren’t we supposed to be the ones in control? Not just of our actions and emotions, but of the physical and emotional well-being of our kids?

I held my tongue and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. And it was totally chickenshit on my part. SO I am unleashing here (and she’s a reader so hopefully she gets it).

But so many times you hear a parent say they lost control. That makes it acceptable to hit?!?! Anyone, let alone a child? Or perhaps these are the types of parents who explain to a child WHY they will soon be humiliated and physically harmed as a “sensitive” way to inflict violence.

And you question whether spanking is a violent act? REALLY?!?!

Consider these scenarios:

==> You go into a bar, get into a fight and pop someone in the nose. You get arrested. You cannot hit a total stranger;

==> A husband hits his wife (or vice versa, or boyfriend is hit by girlfriend, or partners, but you get the picture). This is called domestic violence – hopefully someone gets arrested (although we all know that is not always the case and is a topic for another time);

==> You punch your best friend in the nose because she does something shitty to you. You get into trouble. She could press charges, and YOU could get arrested;

==> Your boss hits you because you used work email for personal messages.

(Alright, some of these seem to be kind of far-fetched examples, but really, aren’t they just far-fetched because laws prevent them from being prevalent?) In our society it is NOT OK to hit (unless you are a boxer for sport, which is barbaric, but just my little ole opinion inserted here). Or unless you are hitting a child or an animal.

We teach our children that the strong should not pick on the weak. Yet, if we in turn hit our children, we are teaching them that it is actually OK, not just to hit, but to beat up on the weaker among us. We become hypocrites, violent hypocrites. Is THIS the lesson you want to teach?

You may not believe it, but your kids really do watch what you do. They really absorb what you say. You really are molding them emotionally, intellectually for what and who they will become.

So why can’t my hubby go in tomorrow, and because his co-worker didn’t complete his job, thereby causing hubby to have to work a longer day, hit that co-worker.

Because he would get fired.

Because hitting is wrong.

Because hitting is violence.

Violence/hitting in the workplace is illegal.

And spanking is hitting.

Therefore spanking is a violent act. One of the only violent acts that is ignored by society (this and, once again, hitting animals). That is another topic and one that I could rant on about for days. And maybe sometime I will.

We can ignore the weakest among us. Because they are weak and have no voice. And so we do.

Isn’t that sad? It makes me so angry. I am ashamed that I didn’t say something to my friend, that I didn’t question her actions. Especially when I hear parents say they were forced, their child pushed them to that point. These are CHILDREN. THEY can be pushed, but YOU are the adult. You are supposed to have control. You may have to walk away and calm down, try another form of discipline, but hitting is never the answer.

Ever.

Get it?

Spanking. IS. Violence.

________________________ Art imitates life, and life imitates art.

What I see every day influences what I create, so writing this blog and creating my designs are natural extensions of who I am.

If you are interested in viewing my designs, primarily for kids but also some cool stuff for adults and also doggies (who we all know are integral parts of all families) check them out at:
http://www.cafepress.com/sugarsprouts

See you around the mountains and canyons of northern AZ!

“If you don’t laugh at life, it sneaks up and bites you in the ass!”