Spanking is Violence (not discipline)

OK, my opinion on this is one I will admit cannot be changed. Perhaps I may gain some more respect for those “spankers” out there (and I am referring to children – what you do in your bedroom is your own business) and their views, although admittedly, I doubt it.

What brings this up? A friend of mine was recently talking about “having to” spank her little girl (about 3.5) and put her to bed early. I think by my silence on the phone line she knew what was coming. I’m not exactly known for being meek. And how could any adult HAVE TO perform an act of violence on a child. Aren’t we supposed to be the ones in control? Not just of our actions and emotions, but of the physical and emotional well-being of our kids?

I held my tongue and it was the hardest thing I have ever done. And it was totally chickenshit on my part. SO I am unleashing here (and she’s a reader so hopefully she gets it).

But so many times you hear a parent say they lost control. That makes it acceptable to hit?!?! Anyone, let alone a child? Or perhaps these are the types of parents who explain to a child WHY they will soon be humiliated and physically harmed as a “sensitive” way to inflict violence.

And you question whether spanking is a violent act? REALLY?!?!

Consider these scenarios:

==> You go into a bar, get into a fight and pop someone in the nose. You get arrested. You cannot hit a total stranger;

==> A husband hits his wife (or vice versa, or boyfriend is hit by girlfriend, or partners, but you get the picture). This is called domestic violence – hopefully someone gets arrested (although we all know that is not always the case and is a topic for another time);

==> You punch your best friend in the nose because she does something shitty to you. You get into trouble. She could press charges, and YOU could get arrested;

==> Your boss hits you because you used work email for personal messages.

(Alright, some of these seem to be kind of far-fetched examples, but really, aren’t they just far-fetched because laws prevent them from being prevalent?) In our society it is NOT OK to hit (unless you are a boxer for sport, which is barbaric, but just my little ole opinion inserted here). Or unless you are hitting a child or an animal.

We teach our children that the strong should not pick on the weak. Yet, if we in turn hit our children, we are teaching them that it is actually OK, not just to hit, but to beat up on the weaker among us. We become hypocrites, violent hypocrites. Is THIS the lesson you want to teach?

You may not believe it, but your kids really do watch what you do. They really absorb what you say. You really are molding them emotionally, intellectually for what and who they will become.

So why can’t my hubby go in tomorrow, and because his co-worker didn’t complete his job, thereby causing hubby to have to work a longer day, hit that co-worker.

Because he would get fired.

Because hitting is wrong.

Because hitting is violence.

Violence/hitting in the workplace is illegal.

And spanking is hitting.

Therefore spanking is a violent act. One of the only violent acts that is ignored by society (this and, once again, hitting animals). That is another topic and one that I could rant on about for days. And maybe sometime I will.

We can ignore the weakest among us. Because they are weak and have no voice. And so we do.

Isn’t that sad? It makes me so angry. I am ashamed that I didn’t say something to my friend, that I didn’t question her actions. Especially when I hear parents say they were forced, their child pushed them to that point. These are CHILDREN. THEY can be pushed, but YOU are the adult. You are supposed to have control. You may have to walk away and calm down, try another form of discipline, but hitting is never the answer.


Get it?

Spanking. IS. Violence.

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5 Responses to “Spanking is Violence (not discipline)”

  1. birdpress Says:

    I agree with you on the spanking thing. But where do people learn that it is okay to hurt other people when you disagree with them, or when you “need” to punish them? Doesn’t our government teach us that?

  2. josephudo Says:

    You may mean well but you couldn’t be more wrong. You need to copy and paste this chapter from “Society Under Seige” from Joseph Michael……..Your “good” motives are nothing more than destructive to our children and society.

    Mainstream society dupes many of us in believing that it is not natural for a child to have much aggression and if the child is at all aggressive or appears to have too much energy, the child suffers from some sort of mental condition. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out by watching young animals in nature, that abundant energy and aggression is the norm, which is usually gone by adulthood. In decades past, abundant energy and aggression in young children has always been accepted as the norm. In reality, in most cases, the only real illness a child has who exhibits abundant energy and aggression and becomes out of control is the disease of, “lack of discipline”. Of course, pharmaceutical companies also want to sell their drugs. When parents don’t discipline their child and become frustrated with the child’s behavior, they take the child to a psychiatrist or another medical doctor. Not so deep inside the parents know that the child needs some sort of discipline but they won’t go against societal norms. The parents also may want someone else to share their guilt for not disciplining their children, so they have the child evaluated. The psychiatrist or other medical doctor often is happy to provide the parents with prescription narcotics. In that way the psychiatrist or MD has a steady flow of patients.
    Unnecessary narcotics given to a child may cause damage to his or her organ system later in life since organs like the liver and immune system take years to fully develop. When a child takes narcotics unnecessarily, often the parents unconsciously want a less troublesome child. The child becomes like some sort of ideal small being that is more pleasing to their parents. Another word for a parent who unnecessarily gives his or her child drugs to calm the child down instead of proper discipline is “lazy” and another is “selfish”. Proper discipline can usually help a child grow in mind and body. Even animals discipline their young, something all parents should find second nature.
    It should not be difficult to see how children are basically the same as adults. Children like adults are born with a God given ability to know right from wrong but we all need guidance. Children do a lot of things wrong, mostly minor errors. They need someone to direct them. From a very young age until they leave their parents, children need parental guidance to correct their errors. Children need to build a foundation of what is right and what is wrong. The foundation is needed to avoid future great errors like theft, domestic violence, rape, and murder. Later in life children may also commit major white collar crime, which can be just as bad as crime such as theft because it often injures many people in its path. Without discipline from parents to guide children, children will build mistake on mistake and the resulting set of mistakes will be quite destructive.
    It shouldn’t be forgotten that since children seek guidance from parents, when this guidance is not given, children rebel even more than normal. It’s more than unfair or selfish to withhold proper discipline from a child; it is a horrible crime against society, the children themselves, and more, it is a sin against God.
    Proper discipline does not include abuse. Spanking a child is not abuse, no matter who says it is. Spanking a child briskly when he or she needs it has worked well for parents and children for many thousands of years. Disciplining children is merely a necessary modification of our love for children. Good nurturing consists of both extra love in times of assurance to a child and the act of turning love down to administer proper and needed discipline. In today’s world, society has manipulated the very fiber of child nurturing.
    Society has manipulated the very fiber of child nurturing by making discipline of children a punishable crime. There are sick and devious people out there who go way out of bounds and really abuse children, though. These people, in times of stress, turn their love completely off when they discipline children and some are so sick that they have no measurable love. They are a small minority of people who should be punished for their wicked ways. As a whole, most parents are not that way. Because society dictates that children should not be disciplined based on the small percent of people who truly abuse children, it creates an endless cycle of undisciplined and under-loved children.
    In a sense, society, by dictating that there is to be no discipline of children, creates child abuse. The longer a child has no or too little discipline, the worse he or she gets. An example of this is a two year old child who wants his own way. The longer the child doesn’t receive discipline, the louder he screams. Following a long time of screaming at a parent and the parent doing virtually nothing, the parent’s stress tolerance breaks down. Something finally gives, usually the parent. The stressed parent, already stressed from economic pressures, a job, marital problems, etc. loses control and abuses the child. Sometimes the child abuses the parent. Parents should not wait too late to discipline their children. There is no excuse for abusing children, even when stressed. Walk away before you take action if you are too stressed.
    The golden rule of society is to not rule your children. Society seems to liken mild discipline of a child with something like breaking a limb. Children need and crave proper discipline from their parents. True love of children is also proper discipline of them. Discipline along with guidance directs a child to know right from wrong. Too much love without discipline destroys not only morals of children but society itself. When you destroy the morals of children, you destroy the future of the world. In a material world we should be able to determine what material is right and which is wrong. At least as for back as the 1960s, society has demanded that children receive material love and no real proper discipline which is part of love. This push to destroy our children has more of an anti-religion and anti-family basis than a pro-child bases.
    Many parents are responsible for deepening the empty and lonely feeling in their children by discouraging and denying them access to learning about God. Many children today are not allowed to make a decision as to accept God or not. Their parents deny this freedom. Only a fascist society would deny its children the opportunity to learn about God. Like a bunch of ruthless dictators, many parents shove atheism down the throats of their children. In this type of atheist system, people create their own idol worship by making executives of giant oil companies or other industrial leaders, their golden calves. Then they teach their children this type of pagan concept. These parents risk the loss of their own souls as well as the souls of their children. Parents should realize the seriousness of denying God to their children. Jesus explained the seriousness of it in Matthew 18:6, “…he that shall scandalize one of these little ones that believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone should be hanged about his neck, and that he should be drowned in the depth of the sea.” Coupled with a lack of discipline and a lack of God, our children will rule the world as merciless and savage beasts who will not stop in ruthlessness, even when the world is lying in pain and agony.
    A few points to remember about denying children discipline and the choice to accept or deny God is that without both, our children are headed for a very chaotic life in a savage world. Like adults, children who experience a very deep emptiness within, will attempt to fill the emptiness with anything on earth. Eventually, children will try excess food; violence, excess sports, devious sexual behavior, every possible material object, an attempt to gain ruthless power over others, and just about anything when all fails in order to fill the emptiness within. You can’t wait too late for discipline.
    To give a child discipline takes effort. It takes self control on the parent’s part. And it takes patients, hard work and self denial. It is difficult but necessary to give a child discipline. A child needs discipline so that it can grow up with self control, confidence, autonomy, and integrity. When a parent withholds discipline of a child because it is too difficult for the parent or because in reality, the parent does not want the uncomfortable feeling of seeing the child a little sad for a short while, the parent is very wrong. In this case, the parent is saving himself or herself from a little pain but in the long run, is destroying the child. The parent who withholds discipline in these circumstances is doing so because of laziness and selfishness. Child discipline must be accompanied by the love and fear of God. This must be done from the beginning to the end of childhood.
    With God’s grace, our love, discipline, and hope, children can have successful adult lives. Children must prepare for rough times in their lives and should not lose hope. “…but we glory also in tribulation, knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, trial; and trial, hope; And hope confoundeth not: because the charity of God is poured forth in our hearts, by the Holy Ghost, who is given to us.” Rom. 5: 3-5. Without hope, children have nothing to live for, not even for themselves.
    Teaching children at an early age about God is the main thing to do; give the child a choice. Proper discipline is also necessary. Discipline should be different for different children and different age groups. Don’t forget that children with true psychological conditions must be disciplined very carefully and also treated for the psychological condition. When a very young child needs discipline, a firm voice may only be needed. A two year old may only need a tap on the butt. A five year old may need a firm spanking to let him or her know who is the boss. Never hit a child with any kind of damaging force. Girls will often respond better than boys to voice commands. After a child becomes a young teenager, discipline is better carried out by restricting privileges. Parents are the parents of their own children and no government agency or group should ever interfere with proper discipline as long as there is no real abuse.
    A beautiful smile, tender skin, tiny arms, and innocent look, are memories of a small baby. These are beauties greater than any magnificent flower or painting. Some fathers describe the witnessing of the birth of their son or daughter as the greatest “high on earth”. No one can appreciate children as much as a mother or father. One doesn’t have to be a mother or father to understand how they would be broken apart when they learn that their child has taken his or her life in well planned suicide. Everything that goes through the parent’s minds when he or she loses his or her child to suicide cannot be written down on paper. The remembrance of taking care of their child since a tiny baby and all the glorious memories of the mistakes, the rights, the laughter, and sadness of the child must be all part of the thoughts of parents of a suicide victim. Although teenage suicide has been around for quite some time, the startling massive amount of suicide has not been. Worse yet is that many if not most of those suicides could have been prevented. The US Centers for Disease Control (CDC) reported that among children, adolescents, and young adults in the US between 1980 and 1992, over 67,000 (under the age of 25) committed suicide. The ages between 10 and 14 showed the greatest increase in the suicide rate. Some of the reasons the CDC listed as risk factors for suicide were related to peer pressure, drugs, loneliness, and other things which are “politically correct”. The CDC doesn’t even mention that lack of religion could be related to teenage suicide. It is sad that the CDC doesn’t mention lack of religion as a major risk factor related to suicide. It’s unconscionable not to mention the lack of religion as a main risk for suicide, especially since children’s lives are involved.

  3. birdpress Says:

    I stopped reading that last post when he brought God into it. We can all speak for God as we know him, but I won’t allow someone to tell me that God thinks I must spank my child. Sounds like a classic case of misunderstanding the idea of discipline. We are evolved enough to find ways of properly disciplining a child without resorting to violence, which does not work.

  4. sugarsprouts Says:

    I do not subscribe to drugging a child because of overly aggressive behavior. I re-read my post and never is that even brought up as a topic. But I think the second comment writer knows this and is just waxing poetic at trying to get his/her own opinion out there. Fine, that is what encouraging interaction on blogs is for. Although (and I won’t justify my statements by saying I mean the following “with all due respect” because frankly I don’t ) you are full of crap.

    All that said, neither do I, nor will I ever believe that violence is the answer. Discipline can take many forms, but resorting to the violent act of hitting a child, for any reason (and bringing God into it is a moralistic red herring used to try and shame people into thinking it is OK to take the easy route out of their own guilt at not being able to control their OWN actions). WOW! I just reread that and it is hard to wade through, but you’ll get the idea…

    Anyway, people use God as an excuse to get their jollies hitting children. The nuns did it (believe me, I know), the “brothers” did it, and the priests did it. Not so much today but parochial and other private schools still allow this abhorrent behavior to continue.

    No matter how you try and justify it, we ARE our children’s teachers, and by showing them it is OK to hit to teach a lesson we are teaching them violence is OK. Children cannot reason like adults, and at some ages they are not simply developmentally able to do this.

    So I will repeat, hitting is wrong. Try and excuse all you like, but there is no excuse.

  5. Lottie Says:

    You’re so right! I couldn’t agree more!

    When a big kid hits a little kid, we call it bullying. When an adult hits another adult, we call it assault. When an adult hits a kid, we call it discipline. What kind of warped thinking is that?

    And besides being violent, it teaches children no kind of problem-solving or social skills. They learn that when things aren’t going their way, or someone does something they don’t like, hit ’em.

    Good post! Thanks for talking about it.

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